Posts Tagged with Personal Development

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Be-Do-Have: A Simple Process To Design The Life You Want

No one likes rules and being told what to do. So when society imposes how things should be in life, we resist. One expected life path is to get a good education, get a good job, buy a house, have a family and live happily ever after.

You don’t have to subscribe to this. Instead, you can make your own choices, take responsibility for your life and design it as you wish.

You can make your own choices, take responsibility for your life and design it as you wish.

If you were to design your life and future, how would you do it? What would your ideal life look like? What things would you include? What would you exclude?

This is an overwhelming decision and you can get stuck here. When you have all the choices in the world, it is harder to make one.  For example, there is little to debate about when you have one shirt in your closet but when you have fifteen to choose from, the process is more complicated. When presented with too many choices, instead of making one and following through with the relevant actions, you make no choice and remain stagnant. This is frustrating.

How can you overcome this?

One approach I’ve learned is Be-Do-Have.

You may think that you need to first “have” certain things (money, love, experience, time, etc.) in order to “do” something meaningful (pursue your dreams, start a business, travel the world, foster a relationship etc.) which will then allow you to “be” what you want to be in life (happy, fulfilled, successful, in love, etc.).  However, the Be-Do-Have approach tells us this works the other way around.

First you have to “be” what you want (loving, kind, open, successful etc.), then you “do” things from that place of being and then you’ll see that what you are doing will bring you the things you’ve always wanted to “have.”
This way of approaching the process allows you to work with the creative power of the universe. It is powerful and life-changing when you get it and practice it. This process simplifies the journey to make our dreams and goals a reality.  Your current circumstance is a product of your past thinking. You can take responsibility of this and change your future and life by changing your thinking.

And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. — Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Why does this work?

Think of someone you know who wants more money, time, flexibility, love, etc. to be happy.  On the other hand, someone who is happy right now has all the money, time, flexibility and love to last a lifetime. You can discover that you have everything you need to “be happy” by “being happy” right now.  Deciding what you choose to be in advance creates that in your experiences. Start by acting like you are what you want to be and you will become that. However your actions need to be aligned so what you “do” is important.

Remember that you have the power to experience any state of being at any time, not just when things to work out perfectly or after you achieve certain things. Attaching your fulfillment or other desired state of being to a specific goal, dream or achievement can set you up for disappointment, failure and pain.

Who you are and how you’re “being” creates the context for how you feel, think and act, which are key components of how you create your reality. The process to living the life you want doesn’t have to be that of suffering and struggle. Instead, you can focus your efforts to get abundant results.  Remember that happiness is a choice. It isn’t a chase.

Happiness is a state of mind. And like all states of mind, it reproduces itself in physical form. — Neale Donald Walsch

Here are some reminders of how to take the process of creating the life you want into your own hands:
  • Think of what you want to “have” in life. What are your key goals or dreams? What do you want to achieve?
  • How would you “be” if you had those things? Happy? Joyful? Fulfilled? Free?
  • Start to embody that state of being that you imagine will come from obtaining these goals, dreams and achievements. Start “being” happy as if you’ve already accomplished your goals.
  • From this state of being, think and talk about the actions you need to take.  Take these actions.

“Begin with the end in mind. Start with the end outcome and work backwards to make your dream possible.” — Wayne W. Dyer

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Do you spend a lot of time thinking about your current circumstance? Do you think back on the decisions you made and how they led to where you are today?  Do you have a hard time thinking about next steps to make changes and end up taking no action? I’d love for you to try the Be-Do-Have approach and hear how it works for you!

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You Agree To Be Narrowly Defined By The Outside World

You live in a world that expects you to make a choice about who you will be. For many, this happens at age 18 with the decision about what to study in college.  Your decision narrows the schools you apply to.  For example, if you plan to study Economics, you wouldn’t apply to a Performing Arts school.  Your decision also dictates the courses you take to satisfy graduation requirements. After college, you apply to jobs that fit what you studied. In your career, you hone in your focus with time and as you ascend the career ladder.  You become a specialist and expert in your chosen field.

Let’s assume you’re on our way to become an expert in a given field. In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell notes that in order to become world-class in any field, you need 10,000 hours of “deliberate practice.”  If this is true, then presumably you have little time to do anything else.  So you become a one-trick pony with tunnel vision and no other interests.

Society crafted this approach and set expectations a long time ago.  And you’ve obliged and followed along.  Let’s look at a few scenarios:

Job Applications.  When you apply for a job, how much do you tailor your resume and story to align with the job description? People squeeze themselves and their experiences into exactly what the requirements describe.  You become a surgeon overnight, making cosmetic and reconstructive changes.  You transplant wording from the job description to your resume.  You present yourself as if, for your entire life, you’ve longed to be a Regional Account Manager at this particular company or an Executive Assistant providing administrative support to the CEO.  All of your experience is crafted to support this story on your newly updated resume.

LinkedIn Headlines.  Before someone learns anything about you on LinkedIn, they see your photo, name and headline.  Most of the headlines I see on LinkedIn have one thing in common – they include the person’s job title.  If you’re one of these LinkedIn users, you’re introduced by what you do.  Further, you’re defined by a job title that your employer has a current need and role for.  This only gives insight into what you do.  It tells me what you’re currently an expert in or what you’re on your way to being an expert in.

Here are some examples from scrolling through LinkedIn profiles:

So what do we see in both of these scenarios?

In the job applications scenario, it is clear that society has defined molds and you’ve been trained to fit into them.  You’ve prescribed to this expectation and go out of your way to tailor yourself to fit more snugly into these molds.

In the LinkedIn headlines scenario, you define yourself by your employer’s current need.  You eagerly take on this definition and apply it to who you are. You then present yourself to the world this way. When you change jobs, you switch out who you are like seasonal clothing.

How do you allow who you are to be defined by what you do? How true and authentic is this? Further, how sustainable is it? What happens if your employer no longer has a need for your role?  If who you are is defined by your job title at your current employer, then are you a different person once you have a new title at a new employer?

According to your LinkedIn profile, you have a new job and today you are:

Yesterday you were:

Are you OK allowing yourself to be narrowly defined by the outside world?  What about the other aspects of you, aside from what you do? Why don’t you make it a priority to highlight your multiple interests and dynamic being?

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I look forward to continuing to explore this topic. I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Do you feel defined by your current role and title? Do you think this definition is fitting for who you are? Does who you work for give you a sense of self?

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Six Ways To Manage Your Multiple Interests

Are you a multipotentialite? If so, then you know that having multiple interests adds variety and meaning to each day.  These interests can range from music, interior design projects, a stamp collection, history or photography.  Multiple interests aren’t just for the artsy types. Anyone can have multiple interests including people with traditional careers such as doctors, lawyers or engineers.  It is just a matter of recognizing these interests and finding a way to incorporate them in your life.

So how do you make that happen? Being true to yourself and ensuring these interest are present in your life can be challenging. Here are some considerations and strategies to get the fulfillment you need:

1. Manage and prioritize your time.  This is key if your interests aren’t part of your day-to-day via a career, job, vocation etc.  Make sure to prioritize time for yourself that will allow you to pursue your interests.  For example, you may need to pass on the impromptu happy hour after work if that means missing your painting class.

2. Schedule your interests. If you have multiple interests, you can allocate time for each during the course of the week. Schedule time on Monday for running, on Tuesday for tutoring and on Wednesday for learning French.  A predictable cadence will help keep you accountable.  Set up reminders if you need to!

3. Designate different locations. If you’re transitioning from one interest to another, it helps to change your location. This will help you mentally prepare so when you step into the garage, your brain knows you’re getting ready to build the bookshelf.

4. Involve others. Your interests are personal but depending on what they are, you may be able to do them with others or with an organization that has the same focus. For example, you can learn Spanish alone or you can participate in a weekly coffee hour on Saturdays to practice with others.

5. Distinguish been fleeting and long-term interests. You’ll outgrow some interests and that’s OK. Others will be intrinsic to who you are, last a lifetime, and lead to greater opportunities. Learn to tell the difference between what’s a fad and long-lasting so you know when to pivot and where to devote more focus.

6. Be flexible. As things change, including your list of interests, be adaptable and flexible.  The more you learn and discover, new interests will come your way and you’ll want to have enough space to explore them.

Exploring multiple interests is possible when you manage your time effectively and get organized.  Prioritize designated time as you do with anything else that is important to you. Jim Rohn said it best:

If you really want to do something, you‘ll find a way. If you don’t, you‘ll find an excuse.

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Are you a multipotentialite? How do you manage your multiple interests?  Do you use different strategies than the suggestions above?  I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

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Lessons From Rihanna On Being A Humanitarian Starting Today

Rihanna was named the 2017 Harvard University Humanitarian of the Year!

I’m so proud of her!  She reminds me that anything is possible especially for us little island girls who grew up 162 miles apart in Grenada and Barbados.

Rihanna was recognized for her work supporting education and healthcare in Caribbean and developing countries including:

  • Building a state-of- the-art center for oncology and nuclear medicine to diagnose and treat breast cancer at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Bridgetown, Barbados
  • Founding the nonprofit the Clara Lionel Foundation Global Scholarship Program [named for her grandparents] for students attending college in the U.S. from Caribbean countries
  • Supporting the Global Partnership for Education and Global Citizen Project, which provides children with access to education in over 60 developing countries, giving priority to girls, and those affected by lack of access to education in the world today

As she accepts her award, Rihanna is humble and inspiring.  I love how she stays true to herself throughout the delivery and interjects humor.  Her speech is authentic, heartfelt and the words are relevant to all of us.

Personality in tow, Rihanna started her speech with a hair flip…

Source: The Daily Dot

You can see Rihanna’s full acceptance speech below starting at the 1:16:00 mark:

Key takeaways:

“At 17 I started my career here in America, and by the age of 18, I started my first charity organization. I went on to team up with other organizations in the following years and met, helped, and even lost some of the most beautiful souls…”

“…My grandmother, the late Clara Brathwaite, she lost her battle with cancer, which is the very reason and the driving force behind the Clara Lionel Foundation. We’re all human. And we all just want a chance: a chance at life, a chance in education, a chance at a future, really. And at CLF, our mission is to impact as many lives as possible, but it starts with just one. Just one.”

“As I stare out into this beautiful room, I see optimism, I see hope, I see the future. I know that each and every one of you has the opportunity to help someone else. All you need to do is help one person, expecting nothing in return. To me, that is a humanitarian.“

“People make it seem way too hard, man. The truth is, and what I want the little girl watching those commercials to know, is you don’t have to be rich to be a humanitarian. You don’t have to be rich to help somebody. You don’t gotta be famous. You don’t even have to be college-educated.”

“But it starts with your neighbor, the person right next to you, the person sitting next to you in class, the kid down the block in your neighborhood, you just do whatever you can to help in any way that you can.“

“And today I want to challenge each of you to make a commitment to help one person: one organization, one situation that touches your heart.”

“My grandmother always used to say if you’ve got a dollar, there’s plenty to share.”

I appreciate Rihanna for this great reminder!  We don’t need to have it all figured out before we lend a hand and pay it forward. We can start today with what we have as succinctly put by tennis player and activist Arthur Ashe who was also recognized by the Harvard Foundation:

Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can. – Arthur Ashe

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